dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
