p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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