I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
