He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
