I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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