I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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