Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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