bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
