I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
A bitchslap is in order.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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