Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
