last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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