We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We were destined to go to rehab together
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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