Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
