i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.