I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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