I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.