I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off