i was born a porn star she said
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?