FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
