i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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