I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar