worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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