Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
