the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
