She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
