This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
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Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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