Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
