Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
