Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
