You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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