What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
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I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
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Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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