Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
