i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
