my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Still dying that you shit outside
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
