i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
