He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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