I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Two words: nipple clamps
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