Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
