Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
