I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
