Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize