wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
