She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
