Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
