"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
