They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
