My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
