I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
