yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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