Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
