First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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