i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
