i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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