we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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