I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
