That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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