Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
