You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
