btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
