watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
