I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
