his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
