There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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