More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
