dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
