The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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