he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
