Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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