youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
