Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
