I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We need a shit load of segways right now
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I woke up under a house in Key West
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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