alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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