i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
