..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize
