I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
