Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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