Betty ford says i'm here all night
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
