dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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