He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
