You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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