New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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