shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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