Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
