SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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