It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
