So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
