i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
