His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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