That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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