K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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