Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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