he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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