I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
