I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
