Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
