My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
where are my eyebrows?
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