the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
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I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
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How many fucks given?
0.12846
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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